Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
