we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
