She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
