I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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