I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
