Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
