I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
