no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
