I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
