the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she smelled like a LAN party
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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