it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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