I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
