Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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