i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
