and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
