I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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