i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
