Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
