Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
