it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
