If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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