Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
