Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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