If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
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He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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