Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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