So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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