just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
