Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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