I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
