Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
