there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
