Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
