Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
