Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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