Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
