What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she peed on how many people?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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