Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
