imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
be right there i have to get my cape
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
