Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
