kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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