Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
how does that bad decision feel?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
