Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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