I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
