scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize