i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize