Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
