I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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