My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
