Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
