You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
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Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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