If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
