there was a trapeze. enough said
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
