The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
