Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Randomize
