If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
