The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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