Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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