Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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