Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
