Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
