one two three fourrrrnication!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
