his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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