come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
