Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
