You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
