i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
