I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
