So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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