Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
