please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
